Life in a Nut SHELL!

Well, I have a month and some odd weeks left of school yay ME! I suppose life is going great for me in a 'oxymoron' type of way. I am in survival mode trying to ensure my placement for grad is secured, however obstacles even towards the end seem to be presented to me. I have so much going on that I am being pulled in a hundred different directions, graduation, prom,quitting my job, starting a new chapter in Waterloo oh and did I forget to say that I'm also moving to Waterloo with my mum?!

However something new has come abroad...something in which has intrigued my mind and physical capabilities. A new sport has seemed to come of interest and has resurfaced my mind, something that I've always enjoyed, but just never really gotten back to it. The art of 'Horseback Riding' has come back to visit me with a new hopping chance...It's amazing the way "word of mouth" works around us throughout our everyday lives. A lady in which I know has inspired me to check things out and see how things work in the Equestrian Community. I've fallen in love with this new hobbie that I've decided to enroll myself in private lessons at 'The Horse Palace' at the Exhibition Place, where I will learn the ropes of riding again. If you are a horse enthusiast yourself I highly suggest you check this place out if you haven't already known of its existence.


*Metro, a face that you simply cannot resist*

Like I say, you never know if you like something unless you try it, so let me present you with a challenge, go out and try something new, because you never know whats waiting for you out there

I shall be starting my equine adventure within the next week or so, and we shall see what happens...I'll try posting some pictures of the lesson/videos....

but for now I will retire, its nearly 2:30am....and a boy my age should be in bed ....haha (as if)..
See ya later!

Foresaken Love

That long instilled ever lasting memory of you still seems to be engraved in my mind, hoping that possibly it might loosen and dissipate and depart from me at anytime. Playing it over and over, different scenario's in my mind wondering what could have been and possibly done, but yet we are here now, present day with no you. Time constantly playing its trickery; it goes by so fast and acts on its own accord, but in fact you aren't given the option of rewinding and re-living your past.

The love I have for you is never ending, and although you hurt me, and broke my heart into a million pieces, I allow myself to feel this way for you. Love is a holy word that is cherished and held sacred in my life. When I simply told you I loved you, it was truly meant and not just said like an over-used hello. Ironically our story is somewhat similar to the one's of Romeo and Juliet, a Montague and Capulet falling in love, simply two opposites from two sides of the world joining side by side, simply because love permitted them. However; our ending wasn't as cliche but simply un-original.

At times I felt like our fire was dying simply because you did'nt communicate your perspective on things, and therefore I acted as the engine of both sides, constantly feeding the fire, but mainly I was uncertain of your capabilities to shape what we had. We trusted one another, we talked about things that we usually didn't share amongst our crowds, but yet we built a sense of bond that no one could have compared to.

Where did we go wrong?
What does one say or do?
How do I fight for something that seems lost and unwanted?
But now that I look at it,we are no longer "We", but simply its is just I,
lets face it, until the day I die you will remain that mysterious love that was truly never figured out; but simply an everlasting memory...

By: Julian Manna

Life seems a blur, goals tends to be disorganized, and my drive seems to be unclear. University constantly in the back of my mind, being successful and healthy especially being that perfect person I have been set to be, trying so hard to please everyone but knowing I bring no justice to my plea, but simply an unwilling act of forced hope is thrown upon me. Maturing so fast has derived me of what I could have been, seeing my life now and 4 years ago could have marked, no wait..it could have changed me for a better me, someone who had no fears of failure, but now I feel that I am that person with no drive, knowing and understanding that I am nearing the end of my cycle simply without a backup stimulus plan .

Deciding to do something more practical is thrown my way, constantly being pushed to my limit knowing I'm about to bust and cease functioning, yet something inside me. That sub-conscious power invokes my past facades bringing them out of there slumber to reveal an unpromising future. My inner masks compromised, slowly re-inhibiting my body to go on for something that feels lost. Yet parts of me are distilled into fragments, each piece getting smaller and smaller until it is invincible to the human eye.

How long can I keep trekking an endless road with no water in me? I tend to look in the mirror, and simply practice breathing, the longer I seem to practice the more I notice that my lungs are no longer filling with air, am I suffocating in my own demise, of some hallowed realm. How long must this go on for?

Just awaken and instill me to breath...

Shadow

My shadow, a life long partner.
Once again returning after its long departure.
Bringing its unnatural gloominess to plague my mind.
The seams are slowly ripping apart from one another,
and I am unable to keep them together.

Contrast and shades seem to form me as a person,
it's what defines me as a "dark" radiant color.
I am unable to carry fourth and lock away my shadow,
making me its subject, a mere resource to lash out at.

Sunlight revealing my true character, for which I barely know.
A mere puppet in which commands me setting me on autopilot most days.
Am I my own demon, my own nightmare?

When am I to witness another devastating downfall,
Love and Regret seem to be of my day to day vocabulary but why?
I seem to question my ability to think and act as a human being, is it
for the sake of my sanity or the precious dream I wish to achieve and obtain.

A New Day...

Within a few hours my body will gain physically another year to it, my spirit preparing itself to withhold another years worth of memories, pains, laughs, and nightmares. I shall again dream another dream in hopes to waking up to another place. I seem to ponder about "time" a lot, it seems to phase my mind during the day of my regular routines. I wonder why or how we age, who really determines that we are simply a number? Of course we are told we were born at such and such a time, but we were not.

We were simply alive for 9 months in our internal homes. Life is but a dream? In some cases it can be good, but in most its a bad dream, humans come and go leaving this world with or without a cause, but how do you mark an eternal placement within this world? Who will remember us 100 years from now, will we be an unfortunate race, a "lost bloodline" or a legacy of some sort that will be remembered through history but most of all in peoples minds?

We do not determine whats rightfully ours but in a way we are given a place where we receive rights and a sense of freedom?

But for today this theory shall be put to rest for the years to come and it shall once again come alive when the time is right, now it is time to lock yet again another years worth of memories into a life long pensive, that I have obtained since birth and now I've come to pay my respects and say goodbye to a forever gone friend I bid you adieu my 16 year old self. For I will never get to relive these days with you, instead I will be 1 more year advanced then I was with you and for now our playground is within our dreams.

A Plagued Soul

Monday, March 23, 2009 at 1:19am

The mind coming full circle with the heart, constant doubt phasing ones mind. How are we too determine whats fiction and non-fiction really is? Why are we so determined to find failure and faults within others. Doubt seems to phase an individuals mind in the focal points of our days! We seem to strive for that all American Dream, you know the one about Gatsby wanting Daisy, but knowing in the end shes unattainable.

Why do we walk so blindly? Especially because we know we aren't ready to take that step of understanding of ones true potential? Is there reason in why you push a person, a soul, a human being away from your plagued mind?

This darkness is consuming ones self, for all the wrong reasons, its beginning to choke you and disorient your motives and decisions. Who else is better to understand you, but yourself. However how can one speak with knowledge when one does not understand his objective, How is one to understand when he doesn't understand himself? You talk about difference in morals that I seem to pertain, yet you question my persona!

You are insecure because you don't understand what the act of trust is, you fight so hard but get burned. Yet you push any predicted fates that are to come your way especially when you finally get that ever so desired taste of what it really could be in your mind. One must be willing for change. One must want a change. But one cannot be forced upon this idea, if one does not seek the change.

Ask yourself this, are you truly ready to initiate yourself in a commitment? Are you Physically, Mentally, and Emotionally stable to undergo such a path? How long can you continue this treacherous pain?

It will never be suppressed as long as its left to feed upon you.....

Fictitious Playground

Writing to me is a Dramatic Art, an act given to me, calling me fourth to demonstrate my ability as an actor, a mere puppet in this case reciting lines that my creator has given me. As I get in depth with the fabricated plot, the story in which I begin to piece together in scenes gives life to me, and I am able to breath and speak for the very first time. I am alive, reborn as someone else when portraying my assigned character. The sounding of each word seems more, and more believable, the lights on stage giving me a physical power and a solid surrounding is allotted to me, and I am given a temporary and limited "Will" of some sort. I suppose a contracted (Right) is granted to me. However although this story seems like it can go on forever, I know that it will not; simply because all things come full circle and end.

But who determines my ending, why can't I stick with one character, one personality, one mind; instead I am recycled and reused when appropriate. Why can I not be heard forever? My sole purpose is to belay a message, I am my creators messenger, I can speak feverishly until I am blue in the face but whether the "critics" also known as my audience; believes my performance is even more vital. They are my instilled hope for my future. My fabricated heart becomes numb as it knows its upon judgment. As I wait on stage feeling like I am being tried for high treason. I hear nothing, and although it might only be for a moments time, it feels like a century has passed me by. Will I get a standing ovation or will no one rise? Thoughts in my mind begin to surge like electricity exploding from a power plant. Will the verdict finally be revealed am I to be innocent in this charge, or shall I be found guilty and be scarred with the word Failure.

Once people grow tired of me the light from my eyes slowly fade, and I slowly begin to vanish into total darkness, my stage becoming smaller and smaller forcing me out. I am to resign and take on a title of a forgotten creation; a broken character you may say. The writer has grown out of his playground, he or she may do whatever they want with their fictitious powers. Who am I to stand in their way, I am to comply with their wishes and die as told.

I am simply a writers hobbie, nothing more then a creation of their Will...

I'm simply that fictitious character who you once referred too.

(Exit Stage)

The End